Friends

I am really blessed to be surrounded by brilliant female friends. I like to call them ‘the army’ as without hesitation they will rally round and overcome any ‘enemy’ in my path. They feed my soul with laughter, wisdom and kindness and without them I would be nothing. I’ve always been drawn to strong women, and my army is full of them. Someone much wiser than me said that friends are the family you choose for yourself. They weren’t wrong.

HERO

Let me talk about my beautiful friend T.

We have been friends since we were 13. She was always the calm one of the group, the mother figure who never had a cross word to say about anyone, even if they were vile to her. I don’t use the word ‘vile’ lightly, growing up in the small town we lived in, and mixing in the group we did….things could get vile quite easily. We shared our first Summer romances with two boys from Lichfield on a week’s holiday in Prestatyn. With glossy red hair and a smile for everyone she added the ‘feel good’ factor to any situation. She is the quiet constant voice of reassurance and familiarity that can settle a storm in minutes. She had three children at a young age and is now an incredibly proud ‘Nanna’ to two little girls. I’d like to say her past relationships have been good to her but I’d be lying, the rose garden was full of plenty of thorns but in the last few years things have settled and she has found and married her soul mate.

She’s had a tough time coping with the death of her beloved Dad and more recently her health. What started out as a feeling of clumsiness and painful hip joints, turned out to be full-blown stage 4 cervical cancer. They told her it wasn’t curable and T took the news as stoically as always.

She stood on the doorstep of her house last Summer and said

There is always someone worse off, there is always the good things to look back on, there’s always hope. If this is it, then I’ve had a good life. I would have liked to have done more but I have nothing to complain about.

I drove away sobbing feeling utterly humbled and blessed to have someone like T in my life. There’s so much love and understanding in her, it shines out like a star. Instead of hiding away after her diagnosis, T took the battle on head first. She organised a charity head shave prior to her chemotherapy treatment for the charity closest to her heart, Guide Dogs for the Blind. Her dog Bess has had several litters of Guide Dog puppies, which T has lovingly delivered and raised for the cause.

(T and her youngest daughter)

She donated her signature red tresses to the Little Princess Trust that makes wigs for children going through chemotherapy. In the face of adversity she always thinks of someone else.

Sitting on that stool in the middle of a busy sports pub having her head shaved, she looked like a warrior, a force to be reckoned with. She beat cervical cancer.

She went on a lovely cruise with her soul mate to celebrate her 50th.

At the end of last year severe headaches and a scan revealed a brain tumour. T referred to it as Barnaby the lodger, who needed to move out. They were hopeful they could operate successfully and Barnaby got evicted a few weeks ago.

As with most problematic tenants, Barnaby didn’t leave quietly. His eviction left a trail of debris and destruction. As I sit here now T isn’t well, she isn’t coping with the steroids and we await results as to see where the cancer might be lurking. It is a cruel enemy with total disregard for age, gender or race. Its moving through our world like Robocop and T is exhausted from arguing with it. She’s quiet, thoughtful and feeling like crap. I hope she is mentally regrouping and recharging her batteries for what may lie ahead.

My beautiful friend T. Your illness does not define you, your strength and your courage do.